Remabulous

Dating like a Duchess.

So... I am learning more and more about asking for help and delegating. A new and delightful opportunity on Remabulous is that I have a fantastic guest post today from Jill Brown of Duchess. The lady knows her stuff and I was so happy she was willing to share some knowledge with us.

As you all know, 32 for 32 goal #8 was "Find Love." Such a small task. Hee hee. I know I'm not alone in this search and I KNOW many of you face the same challenges as me- working from home, too busy to date, frustration with the whole process. I have called in some help for us all.

Take it away, Jill!

_______________

You are a busy, inspired, hard working woman. Your career is going
great, you have fabulous friends, you love what you do and you’re happy
with your life. In essence you have it all! Do you ever in the middle of
having it all have a sinking suspicion however that something is wrong?
Perhaps even missing?

If you’re like most modern day women, the thing you’ve probably suddenly
realized you’ve left aside is your love life. More and more women today
are independent, successful and have great lives. But odds are good those
great lives are also filled lives! You know you want to date, find love
and be in a relationship – but where’s the time (much less the man!)?

Here is the honest truth about dating and relationships that I’ve learned.
I can promise you if you follow these tips, you will re-discover dating
and find the romantic relationship you are seeking.

1.    Make It a Priority: How did you take on your last project at work? With
enthusiasm, research and devotion? Did you plan carefully, mapping out
your important points and carefully considering the outcome over multiple
revisions and drafts? Are you using that approach in your love life? Or
are you waiting around hoping it’s going to happen? Are you actively
making time for dating? Are you taking the initiative to ask out
attractive interesting men? It’s 2010 ladies! We all love to be asked out
but that means the guys too! The worst that can happen is he’ll say no (or
he has a girlfriend/wife/boyfriend) and you are no worse off then five
minutes ago. Make it a priority! Schedule it in. Make at least one night a
week “date night,” who cares if it’s with a different date? Married
couples make time for dating to keep the love alive; you should be too!
Get in the habit now of making love a part of your routine.

2.    It’s All in the Numbers: Of course we all would love to have the first
date be Mr. Right as we ride off into the sunset in his shining
convertible 911. But for the majority of us, love is cultivated and
discovered after many bad dates. In fact, bad dates from here on out are a
GOOD THING. Yes, I said it! A good thing. Why? Because a) you’re following
my advice from tip one and b) you’re discovering what you don’t want. You
can look at that as a bad thing, but really, it’s a silver lining. If you
know what you don’t want that means you also know its opposite – what you
DO want! So let every bad date give you hope. You’re getting closer to
finding the right one. There are billions of people in the world. Is it
really so bad if you go on ten bad dates to find your Mr. Right? What
about a hundred? What about an old friend you’ve lost touch with? I was
friends for seven years with my boyfriend. I never had a clue we would one
day be in love. But we got back in touch last year and we’re already
planning a life together. Look for the opportunities to date everywhere.
Approach love like Edison approached inventing the light bulb. When asked
how he kept going after so many failures (10,000 in all!) he said, “I had
to succeed. I was running out of ways to do it wrong!”

3.    Let go of the myth: When talking with my editor and friend Josie Brown,
the co-author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Finding Mr. Right (and long
time happily married fabulous woman) she suggested the need to let go of
the mythical Mr. Right. No one is going to be perfect (no, not even you!).
And if you’re so attached to what Mr. Right is going to look like and be
like “on paper” – you may miss out on some great opportunities at love.
Expand your horizon, let down your boundaries and see what’s out there.
You never know who your Mr. Right could be disguised as – so give up the
myth and see how quickly you’re embracing a great man!

-Jill Brown

Every woman has a regal purpose only she can fulfill.  Jill Brown, a Los
Angeles based coach, writer and columnist, founded Duchess, LLC to help
every woman re-connect with her own unique self! She believes in providing
you with the tools you need to build a long lasting, well balanced
kingdom. It starts with you! Whether you’re single and ready for love or
in a relationship and looking to rediscover your self, you are the key to
lasting happiness. If you’re ready to reclaim your spirit, let go of
stress and fear and step into a life of love, purpose and passion – visit
www.theduchessequation.com to get your free foundational tools now. Long
may you reign!

Don't Divorce 18,000 Gay California Couples!

This video was made as part of the Courage Campaign, in an effort to stop Ken Starr in his attempts to divorce the 18,000 gay couples who were married for the window when gay marriage was legal before Prop 8 was passed. As the child of a gay parent, this issue is very close to me.

While I am recovering from surgery, I've had more time to catch up on online reading and video posts. This is a beautiful video giving faces to all the couples who would be affected by such a barbaric ruling. Please watch and, if you are moved to, sign the petition to preserve these marriages. I look forward to the day when the rights of gay couples to marry are taken for granted. We're not there yet, but I hope we will be soon.

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

Becoming a Superhero in your own life.

This past June, my friend Erin and I attended a lecture at machine project in Echo Park in Los Angeles. It very well may have been the best lecture I have ever attended. Journalist Joshua Bearman spoke about a project he was working on about real life superheroes for Rolling Stone.

The article is out now. It is called "The Legend of Master Legend." It is fantastic. For anyone who has ever thought about really committing to a vision fully, there is still something to learn about commitment and dedication to a vision from real life superhero Master Legend. He perseveres despite obstacles and really dares to dream.

One of the most delightful and human stories I have read in a long time. Even if you're not looking to don tights and a cape, it's still a real treat. I know we're all trying to do less this holiday, so I'll just leave you with that treat rather than a longer post.

Enjoy, enjoy!

image: Rolling Stone

Onward and Upward: I'm an example of authenticity on Carrie and Danielle!

Everyone, please check me out as an example of authenticity on www.carrieanddanielle.com. I am really excited to be featured because I so admire their work, which has helped me focus and refine my vision for both my business and my life. I had a Statement Session with them last year and it has been a huge source of support since. I highly recommend both their philosophy and their work. Check out their beautiful new book as well as their inspiring website.

Why can't women be angry in the media?

After searching through pages of creative commons licensed images on flickr for "angry woman," I was surprised to find that the most convicing image didn't even show the woman's face. I searched "angry man" as well, and after a few pages of neutral stuff, I found a glut of images of men that looked, well, actually angry.

Since the NYT article came out about BlogHer 08, there have been quite a few angry people getting on the mike, some in uplifting and powerful ways both as posts and comments, and others, both men and women, have been just plain snipey.

Why is it such an explosion for everyone to be angry and riled up about a women's technology conference? I think the question for me is broader: why is it so rare to see a woman get angry these days in broad daylight (or screenlight) and what does that mean for those of us who have issues we feel angry about?

image:dearbarbie via flickr

Further commentary on BlogHer 08 from Salon: Thoughts on the NYT article

Yet further grist for the mill on BlogHer 08. The New York Times article in the Styles section has exploded into a lot of critiques via blogs, like Catherine Connors' post at Mama Pop. Weighing in on the issue now is Salon.com, with a response piece to the whole controversy by Rebecca Traister.

Enjoy- I'll add my thoughts on this later today as I'm off to teach a class...

to those of you on facebook... this may amuse.

Not really an article, but still. A friend found and posted this little ditty and as a recent facebook member it both made me laugh and highlighted the more freaky elements of this method of communication.

remember notetaking? here's a resource to make yours better

gina trapani has been popping up a lot lately in my world. last year, at blogher, i was lucky enough to see her on a panel since her blog, lifehacker.com, had been picked up and made into a book of the same name with wiley publishers. i purchased the book, and do read her blog, but hadn't really been able to dig into the book until now. i was reminded of her in a funny and fabulous interview she did on susie brights audible show, in bed. trapani popped back into mind, and i sprung into action to order her second book, upgrade your life. i figured i couldn't very well upgrade until i had hacked, so figured i had better get down to it and read book number one pronto.

i have already been transformed. from the simple tasks- putting reminders into google or yahoo calendar and having reminders sent to your e-mail or phone (one i could not live without i tell you) to using a camera phone with email capacity to send pics of your wish list shopping items to flickr, she's got ideas that will make a difference.

as someone who takes a lot of notes when on the phone with clients, i was delighted to see a link to an article on the lost art of notetaking by michael hyatt. i was already sold by the title of the blog: working smart, the alternaitve to working hard. so let's see what he says about taking notes.

thanks gina, for the great find!

how work can save your life. sometimes.

debra condren is the author of amBITCHous, a book about why ambition is not a dirty word for women.  she is a proponent of women not apologizing their drive to succeed. her book is a great pick-me-up if you're feeling slumpy and less than motivated.

in an article in the huffington post, condren talks about women's struggles to hold onto themselves and their drive in the face of life's challenges. this is a point i can more than relate to personally- when something is awry in one's personal life and one works at home, it is extremely difficult to buckle down and work anyway. this article was a pretty profound reminder of why that is the right thing to do.

looks like condren puts her money where her mouth is. and how.

"nice work if you can get it" on npr

today, driving back from a lovely day of exploring the canals in venice, a friend staying with me from out of town and i caught the tail end of an apropos episode of "this american life." it featured people who had somehow gotten what we think would be dream jobs, but with a catch. excellent listening. enjoy hearing about television acting, the lottery business, and what it means to go to college if you are an illegal us resident. perhaps a good inspiration to be grateful for the work we have, or reason to change it, if these are obstacles we don't have to worry about facing.