Dealing with Overwhelm: How to give yourself a break!

Dear Caroline,

 

I have so many questions for you, I hardly know where to start.  Thank you for starting your weekly column to help us all.

 

So I'll start with the obvious, how should one deal with overwhelm?  Like you, I am a self-employed artist and feel I get pulled in a million directions, most of them self imposed.  I try all kinds to tricks with my "to do" lists, but in the end, I know deep down, there is more to do than I can ever get to.

 

Today is a good day and I am just steadily going through "the list".  But any tips would be greatly appreciated.

 

Sincerely,

Seemingly Always Overwhelmed

image: "i love clutter" by sindesign via flickr.

Dear Seemingly Always Overwhelmed,

Thank you so much for sharing your question! First of all, I would like to assure you that you are not alone in this experience. Whether you are a self-employed artist or a corporate VP, overwhelm is an experience we all struggle with.

To begin, I want to break this question down. Most of us use the language "I feel overwhelmed," when talking about this experience. I want to suggest we change that language a bit, since in reality overwhelm isn't a feeling- it's a mental state. This may seem like a small distinction, but it isn't. Unfortunately, labeling something as "overwhelm" generally makes people feel powerless and doesn't give them an action to take to feel better. Instead, when you find yourself saying "I feel overwhelmed," stop and ask yourself what emotion you are actually feeling. Emotions are generally broken down into anger, fear, sadness, shame, or joy. I think we can safely say that overwhelm isn't causing you to feel joy, so let's look at the others.

If you are able to pinpoint your actual emotional state, you have more information about how to proceed. If you are feeling scared that you aren't going to get everything done, then that is a very different process than feeling angry that you agreed to take on a favor for a friend when you are close to a deadline.

Step one is to identify what you are feeling and to determine, to the best of your ability, what the source of that feeling is. Once you have your feeling and its source, you will probably have a clearer idea of what you need to do: if you're scared about money, revisiting your budget or contacting a financial adviser might be the answer. If you're angry you agreed to do a favor for a friend, a phone call to admit you really aren't able to honor that request right now would be the option instead. This element of your question is something I would have to work with you individually on to get to the root of. Coaching can be a great support to work through overwhelm and get you moving ahead, so if anyone reading this can relate, it might be time for a consult!

The other part of your question is a little trickier and is coming from the statement "I know deep down, there is more to do than I can ever get to." I think this is another source of your stress.

It is true- there is more to do than we can ever get done in the world. What our job is, especially as self-employed people, is to determine what actions are the most effective at reaching our goals. In other words, I don't think the ultimate goal is for you to do more. Instead, I would focus on doing less. Don't panic- I am not telling you to stop everything! Let me explain:

What I think will help is to make sure that you only do the tasks on a regular basis that support your goals the most consistently. So here is the trick to get to that point:

1. Make a list of the tasks that you hope to get accomplished during the next day, week or month.
2. Make another list of what you accomplished over the last day/week/month to the best of your memory.
3. Take a little break and congratulate yourself for getting so much done! (It's important to focus on what we have done as much as what we still need to do. Keep morale up!)
4. Look over what you accomplished in your past actions list with a critical eye. Ask yourself which of these items were useful, efficient, and generated results. Mark these with a star or an exclamation point.
5. Look over the list again and note which tasks were busywork, didn't get you to the goal, or felt like a waste of your time. Put a big X next to these.
6. Return to your list of what you want to get done for the future. How many X tasks are on that list? How many Star or exclamation tasks are there?
7. Prune your list until you have a majority of efficient tasks and only a bare minimum of X tasks. You may need to wean yourself off these tasks gradually or simply try to do them in batches at less frequent intervals, as the 4 Hour Work Week suggests.

We are a nation, and increasingly a world, of busyness addicts. Just because you can come up with more tasks to put on lists and do doesn't mean they will advance your business or your life. We have the message that doing it all is advisable or that more is better. I assure you, it isn't. Far better to complete a solid list of four or five items than to sweat your way though fifteen of twenty unrealistic ones. preserve your nerves!

This week, try to do less, and to feel joyful about the fact that you can't do everything. Doing less frantic and scattered activities will really help get this overwhelm under control. Take a tip from efficiency junkie Tim Ferriss, and cut out all time-wasting tasks. Put a little post-it in your work area that asks the question, "Am I doing this task just to stay busy?" Keep asking this question.

Let me know how it goes!

Thanks so much for your question and keep up the great work,

Caroline

Seemingly Always Overwhelmed will receive a discounted session with Caroline as the prize for being this week's selectd question! Have a question of your own? Send it in and see what you win next Wednesday on Ask Remabulous...