After searching through pages of creative commons licensed images on flickr for "angry woman," I was surprised to find that the most convicing image didn't even show the woman's face. I searched "angry man" as well, and after a few pages of neutral stuff, I found a glut of images of men that looked, well, actually angry.
Since the NYT article came out about BlogHer 08, there have been quite a few angry people getting on the mike, some in uplifting and powerful ways both as posts and comments, and others, both men and women, have been just plain snipey.
Why is it such an explosion for everyone to be angry and riled up about a women's technology conference? I think the question for me is broader: why is it so rare to see a woman get angry these days in broad daylight (or screenlight) and what does that mean for those of us who have issues we feel angry about?
image:dearbarbie via flickr
Much of the controversy in the articles surrounding the original NYT one ( I am choosing not to link to the vitriolic pieces, but did like Catherine Conners on Mama Pop, which I linked to yesterday, as well as the piece on Salon. Check out yesterday's post for links) is about how women's blogging, no matter the topic covered, is marginalized. We didn't have the big media stars (other than Michelle Obama, who chose to post on the site) that other tech and political blogging conferences drew present at BlogHer. What we did have was corporate sponsorship and presence. Why are women's topics and issues, such as motherhood, family, and personal life, considered a less valuable media topic than others? Many ideas have been proposed, and many feel the need to weigh in on how they feel. I prefer to hang out with another topic: anger as a whole.
When in grad school, I read a glut of self-help and psychology books. One that has been coming to mind a lot lately is Harriet Lerner's The Dance of Anger. It is a book about how women express anger and the roles that we've been given limit our ability to get our point across.
Her theory: there are two roles that women can choose from if they become angry:
- The Crazy Lady: out of control with rage, the crazy lady screams and rants and raves, desperate to be understood, but easy to caricature and write off. Her emotion is over the top and doesn't relieve her upset, nor does it bring her closer to a solution. She has no clear way to work with anger, so periodically she blows her top.
- The Doormat: the doormat is so afraid of being rejected for showing any emotion that isn't pretty, friendly, or "nice" that she shuts it down and sweeps it off into a dark corner. "It isn't worth bringing up," she thinks. She perpetually ignores her feelings until they are hard to locate anymore. As long as she keeps it under wraps, she feels successful.
Guess what: neither of these work! We know this, but we have never looked at the paradigm to consider other options. For all the people suggesting that we change our blog names or use our full names instead of aliases as bloggers, I think a far more valuable use of our time would be to look at constructive ways to express dissent.
The media is supposed to be built to handle conflicting opinions. The idea of the media is to express the news, and then to allow comment. Originally we had letters to the editor, and still do, but now comments let us respond much more quickly. This is both good and bad. The good: we have a more direct line into the media and to share what we think and feel. The bad: the ease of delivering these reflections makes us more likely to do so in a state of distress.
Anything that is different is likely to attract attention and controversy. Women bloggers have become a huge force, with communities built online sharing experience, advice, and support. I cannot say what a huge source of reassurance I derive from knowing this world is here. As we look at those who may see what we have created differently, perhaps be confused or threatened by it- perhaps just mystified, let's think about how we engage outside our community.
My hopes for the conversations around this topic are the following: that the conversation continues, that it is constructive, and that it shows us at our best. This is our challenge as I see it, and the same challenge applies to anyone taking on something new and unfamliar that others may not understand (becoming a professional clown when everyone else in your family is a banker, going back to school late in life, making art the galleries don't want...) is to be both authentic and strong as well as stay open to the other side.
My hope is not that we stop having bloggers with opinions we don't like reading us and commenting. I would rather see our ability to be strong and angry in such a way that we reach more people who feel good about doing the same. Being angry as a woman is not a crime or a shameful act, in the home or in the media. Let's harness the energy that has been drummed up and let the world see a new way to be strong and initiate change.
Recent Comments