Remabulous

on rest. and the inner puritan's further madness.

starting up a business, it can be easy to get caught up in the whirl of planning and executing and all the little tasks that it takes to get things off the ground. but once you have the dba and the business license and liability insurance and so on, how do you let yourself off the hook a little bit and enjoy the fact that you make your own schedule now and not let guilt drive the bus.

i knew this was happening when i felt like i had a dirty secret when a writer friend and i -gasp!- went out and saw a matinee film last week. it was fantastic. quiet, no crowds, and a totally peaceful process. why not let myself do this once a week and then work in the evening instead on those days? guilt. how upsetting to see this rule playing out- see y last post. who says you have to work during the day? what if you are more productive in the evening and prefer to socialize over lunch? much of los angeles would certainly fit this category as people linger over iced tea and salad but then crank out screenplays and other writing late into the night. who says this way isn't just as valid?

it's that inner puritan again. the same one that doesn't want you to rest or take naps.

i see it now as a form of trust that i rest now in anticipation of my business being on its way to take off. if i feel i have to be crazy and striving at all hours in order to eek some business out of the wider world, that isn't a great message to live by or to pass on to clients. have a hopefully attitude and trust that the world is about to serve up success on a big old platter.

so take a nap. maybe you'll dream of new and better paradigms when you do, because you don't want to book above to be your story. i promise it wasn't, and isn't, that romantic to be a puritan.

image: rosefirerising via flickr.

growning pains and fears that come with progress

over the past week, growth has seemed to come all at once. new group, new clients, new approaches to relationship. all of it. plus big leaps in my health that seems to be headed in a good direction. but how does one hold onto center when it feels like everything is moving along at high speed chase pace, even if it might be in exactly the right direction?

not by following other people's worn out rules, that's for sure.

image:  aussiegall via flickr

being with what is

i love this post from keri smith. as she says, it is what it is. i think much of my difficulties in life (starting a business, finding out what career suits me, having a relationship that can last) have come from struggling with what is actually happening at the moment. (i should have more clients by now, i should like this kind of work-or- i should enjoy working for a big company, he shouldn't think that or feel that way)

i have been realizing lately that the real experience starts to take shape when we stop telling ourselves a story about what everything should look like. this is a losing battle. telling ourselves these things means that we believe there is something wrong with what is happening. and whether we agree with it or not, that's what is there at the moment. just like keri smith's keyboard is only working sporadically and the weather isn't always good and people don't always understand and sometimes the economy scares everybody.

what if it was ok that these things were happening and we just started trying to respond as best we could to that? i have wasted a lot of energy being angry that life didn't meet my very stringent expectations and regulations.  at the moment that just feels silly.

things happen the way they happen. and on my keyboard, it's the m key that has been giving up half the time lately.

have a good weekend!

what happens when both partners in a couple want to be remabulous?

it is may 1st. (happy may day!) i am sitting in my house waiting for my partner to arrive and to see him for the first time in nearly two months. he has been working in sudan and darfur on international humanitarian advocacy issues. this is the kind of work he has done for the last number of years and has only recently switched to being based out of the u.s. and doing time-limited consulting rather than full-time.

still. it brings up a question: while it is true that it's easier to relate to those who have a similar desire to work outside the box along with you, what is the best way to make a relationship in which both people are involved in the unconventional strive for meaningful work a success story as well?

the answer in our case is that we're still learning.