idling and the oxbow: on forced slowness

this has been a week of unexpected kinks in the hose. as i was coaxed into yet another baroque twist in my yoga class this morning, i was reminded of thomas cole's painting, the oxbow, a strange little detour in the river, pictured above, represents an unexpected slowing down in the pathway of things. between a broken-down car, resulting canceled appointments, continued frustration about my health, and other little bums in the road, i have been a little jolted this week. however, in reading the lovely book how to be idle by tom hodgkinson, i have been reminded of the delight of going slower and enjoying the time that opens up when a busy schedule implodes.

image: thomas cole "the oxbow," courtesy of maulleigh via flickr

i am a big proponent of the unexpected. my little visual of how life lays out is much like a crazy spiral: at any given point you may imagine there is a straight line extending forward with plans and budgets and vacations and career, but then life takes you in a little jerk to the side. from that jerk, you imagine another straight line moving forward, but when i think about looking back over my life when i am near the end of it, i doubt there will be any lines that i can see that are at all straight or expected.

this week's oxbow was mostly driven- or not- by my car's decision to die on me. it is not an old or unreliable car, and it has served me well the nearly five years i have had it, but when the cooling fan does not shut off until the battery dies every time i jump it to start it again, travel around becomes impossible. i missed out on a massage i desperately need because of this, but if plans had gone as expected, i would have missed hearing michael chabon read from his new and certainly delightful book, the yiddish policemen's union, at book soup last night. i would have been running between appointments today and squeezing in yoga before running to an art opening this evening today. it is sort of like a black-out, something i have always loved.

removing usual elements of daily life has been a big part of my experience lately: my job becoming impossible to keep, my skin acting in ways that make me feel ugly and freakish, not knowing where my career is headed exactly at the moment and not having an easy title when people ask what i do. i feel a kind of space from this. i have been doing lots of twists in yoga, where i get into some crazy position and squeeze my body in one direction and then let go and go the other way. we don't seem to turn both ways in life, though: we hunch over computers and then don't even lean back, or we work really hard many many days of the week, but never take even close to the same number to rest. we spend much more than we save. it is no wonder we feel so off kilter in our goings-on.

i have been looking at where rest buttons need to be pushed as i make my way through how to be idle by tom hodkinson. the book takes you through the philosophy of doing less and of not being enslaved to an overworked system and life as a sort of book of hours, that moves form dawn until dusk through the day. it is amazing how much emotion this brings up: relief that someone can finally put words to how crazy our lives feel, guilt that i would even want to think about less than 40 hours of hard work every week, fear that i am really going to end up a bum in a gutter if i don't suddenly become a high-powered businessowoman.

wouldn't it be amazing if we could live well with less craziness? this is what i have dreamed of as long as i have known i have to make my own schedule and life.  once school removed the imposed structure that i had come to depend on, i have been motivated to find a way to live a life that celebrates what it is: living. i wish for a life lived creatively, spontaneously, but also with attention to finances and planning ahead. i am sure there are others who feel the same way. it seems such a simple goal to have in this world, but as i come up against it again and again, it is so much more complex, particularly if one is hoping to live as an artist or creative person. there must be a way to make this happen. there must be a way to live with sanity and dignity.

i intend to use my oxbows, when they come, for reflection on this point so that i might be a little more steady when the river opens out again at a higher speed.

Comments

[James]

Hi,

Just browsing around some blogs on a lazy Sunday evening and stumbled across this post.

This post really hit a nerve as I have been thinking a lot about similar stuff and I have just been recommended by a friend to read Tom Hodgkinsons book. But before that I am intendind to read 'The Alchemist' which I see is on your 'these books will change your life' list.

Anyway just thought I'd say Hi!

[caroline]

thanks for writing!

i highly recommend both how to be idle as well as the alchemist. they would be a nice pair to read around the same time, actually. both are about figuring out ways to live that suit you and not letting outside rules keep you from the life you want.

please do enjoy them and let me know what you think.