on not eating

these guys are my new porn stars. when you're fasting, there is nothing quite like food voyeurism.

image: eschipul via flickr

as some of you may know, i have been struggling with a weird and upsetting skin condition for nearly two years. it is called granuloma annulare. i'm not certain if i have spelled it right, but it has certainly wreaked plenty of havoc. but i will not be daunted by weird skin patches that look like lesions from some kind of alien attack. i am fighting back now. i am fasting.

we're on day 4. and i am starting to look over cookbooks like they were pornography.

i am not a dieter. it is not in my nature. i have high tea with a friend once a week and we have to get two dishes of clotted cream or else one of us gets sad about the other getting the last swipe. i love to eat. and am the sort of eater blessed with genes that did not require, until recently, any particular surveillance to keep me a reasonable size.

as an example, when i was in high school, despite my regularly eating half to a whole pizza myself, a friend once called me "auschwitz."

now that my genes have failed me somewhat to the point where i found i had developed some serious pudge when i moved to l.a., i am at least somewhat familiar to paying attention to what i eat, although i don't like it. not that anyone does.

but the point of all this hemming and hawing is the point out that only a serious medical disaster, which patches of tiny tumors- benign ones nonetheless- growing at an increasingly alarming rate on various spots on my skin, would inspire me to consume so little for so many days.

yes, it is the ridiculous maple syrup concoction. every day i drink only water with maple syrup, lemon juice (although i have substituted grapefruit juice since i had them in the house), and cayenne pepper and finish up the day with a hearty cup of laxative tea.

surprisingly, i have not been very hungry through this process and the potion, although repulsive sounding, is not that awful. i get a bit of a sticky sweet feeling after drinking it and the pepper certainly burns a bit. if i forget to shake the bottle before drinking too many times, it all sinks to the bottom and i get quite a shot at the end.

however, i am determined not to be sour the entire two weeks i am on this thing. i have completed two full days on the potion as well as two days of juice and one bowl of soup preceding to warm up. the juice days were actually a bit rough, with headaches and whatnot, but i do advise pressing on, as even after two days i feel lighter and freer somehow, although i think that may be wishful thinking in hopes of motivating myself.

but the increase in sense of smell is uncanny. somewhat of a problem as the deliciousness of the scent of food is magnified in unimaginable ways. while i have never been hungry, it has not stopped me from fantasizing and writing a full legal sheet of paper of every food item i was craving, which i justified as research, but was really just whining and pining.

i do have an idea though which excites me a lot. i will learn to cook everything i listed on my craving list. having recently read julie and julia for the literature life podcast, i am fired up to cook. i made a lovely pasta last weekend from joanne harris's my french kitchen with truffle oil and the most sumptuous boudin blanc sausage. it was luscious, even when reheated two days later for milda and me over the podcast.

i am encouraged by this success, based mostly on excellent ingredients rather than skill, as well as by julie powell's life transformation through food. having learned the past four days that i may live and work without food, and since i have not lost any weight after the initial water weight drop, i feel that if i don't need to eat to live, i must base my food choices around living to eat.

the thought of cooking more is exciting to me and i am eager to get started. i don't know if it is a good idea to read too much, as it may just fuel the desperate, macaroni-pasta-craving monster my taste-buds have become.   but reading is a good way for me to supplement experience, so it may be that craving of the day is a feature the next two weeks. i shall post the weirdest thing i crave along with a recipe to make whatever it is. those of you who are eating at the moment rather than fasting should be able to enjoy, even if i am choosing not to until i am fully refreshed.

if you have ever done such a crazy thing as this cleanse, please do write and let me know. i would love to hear any stories, encouraging or otherwise. i do have one friend, ed, who has survived it and his encouragement and assurance that i will feel great and not drop dead has been invaluable.

well, onward starving soldiers. my laxative tea awaits...

Comments

[dada]

The only fasting I've ever done was, as a kid, one hour or so before church on Sunday (as to keep the Jesus goin' down smooth).

I don't have any advice, obviously, except that soldiers in Napoleon's army on returning from the failed Russian campaign actually died because they ate so much in one sitting after weeks of wintertime hiking and starvation.

So when you get back off the fast-wagon, be careful. Don't be a Napoleon-era French soldier. (But that's generally good advice for any situation.)

[caroline]

thank you. i promise not to be a napolean-era french soldier. and i do agree, that is pretty good general advice for life. i have been making lists, though. and i reserve the right to cut it short if the allergist/immunologist i am seeing wednesday thinks two weeks is overkill.

[mms]

damn your memory. but, come now- we both know that i didn't actually address you as "auschwitz," as though it was your name.

[caroline]

no. it's true. it was more of a nickname. the quote i remember was, "what's up, auschwitz?" and in all fairness, it was only the one time. and i was wearing tight pants. :)

[Lydia]

Just wanted to let you know there are lots of us out here with Granuloma Annulare. The Yahoogroups forum is the one I most often read, postings go in spurts. You do have to sign up.

I've had GA for over 30 years - got the first patch when I was about 14 and I'm 47 now. Some people are lucky and it just goes away, but mine is worse now than it ever has been - maybe not worse, but showing up in places I can't hide (my neck, hands). It does go away when you get pregnant, but will come back.

Check over at the Yahoogroup and you can read what some of the GA sufferers are trying to cure the disease.

Did the fasting help?? I've tried tons of diets and don't think any of them affected my GA one way or the other.

[caroline]

I am unsure if the fasting made a real difference. However, I am trying to eat a raw diet at least half the time. I have also been taking about 1200mg of Vitamin E a day, which I read had some positive effect. I have a few newer patches that look a little less raised than this.

I have also been working with a homeopath for a few months and am now seeing an immunologist who said, based on British Dermatological society studies that a malaria drug, plaquonil, has had some limited help. beyond that it is on to rheumotoid arthritis injections which apparently help, but irradicate the immune system. scary.

Thanks for the info on the group- i will certainly look into it.

and thanks for your comment and support. i wish you lots of luck with dealing with the condition.

[Lydia]

Hi again. Just wanted to say that I did try the Plaquenil (along with a steroid cream) a few years ago. 1 patch did go away (the patch that I was using the cream on), maybe I would have had better results had I continued with treatment longer.

There is a girl named Cierra at the yahoogroups forum who is taking the Remicade (arthritis drug). I haven't had an update from her for awhile so I am unsure of how it is going, but she did just have the one treatment so far. It looks promising, but like you said scary too.

I'll check back here from time to time to see how things are going for you! Good luck!