So... here we are, in that window of time between Christmas and New Year's. I seem to spend this time in a minor freak out mode. Waking up in the middle of the night with the financial figures from my business over the last year blaring in my head and feeling that I need to learn how to change everything to a new level RIGHT NOW.
Christmas Eve, I was up reading from 5am to 6am, trying not to work on Christmas. I managed to stay away from email Christmas through Boxing Day, but may have to send a couple messages today, despite my best intentions to be off this weekend.
But the real question now is, since I already have a list going for 32 between Augusts, do I then make one for 2010 as well?
I am a list-maker by nature. I make them daily when working, weekly as well, quarterly, and now annually to track goals, ambitions, projects and progress.
Is there a point when there are too many lists?
This makes me think of one day I was enjoying some time in a park near Berkeley with my boyfriend at the time who was, if possible, even more list-oriented than I am and when I suggested we not run off to do the next thing on our lists that Sunday, he became terribly fidgety until a light bulb went off over his head and he leaned over and asked,
"Wait. Are we having unstructured time now? I just want to be sure."
It was great. And funny, and a little sad because so many of us need to structure our structure free time. I sometimes become stressful on vacation because I feel I am not relaxing enough.
So the question for me now is, shall I make a list of resolutions for 2010 that add to the list I have, shall I refine the 32 list, or shall I just try to deal with anxiety about whether or not I live a meaningful life by making a list that has nothing on it, like the one above?
Thoughts? Suggestions? Commiseration?