coming back to work from the holiday weekend, i find myself feeling like i am reeling through a to-do list that is out to get me. the world seems to be in a similar place, with long lines at the doctor, paperwork overwhelm. what does one do in the midst of the manic monday from hell, after trying to relax over the holiday?
i love this image from manyfires on flickr. it captures the feeling perfectly.
lately, i find myself bouncing between modes that only partially fulfill my goals for this life i have created for myself. one is the mode where i am doing what i am doing now: writing, paperwork for business, getting ready for client calls, and dealing with admin. it takes up a good part of time, but not all. other times i am swamping through issues relating to my health- doctors appointments several times a week, dealing with paperwork there, scheduling, billing, insurance. ugh. and then there is the part of me that wants to dream and have space for new ideas. the novel that seems to keep trying to come out every november; the magical items i draw and dream of making to filly my lonely etsy storefront.
the challenge of this self-made life is to get everything done that needs to be done, to still maintain contact with the outside world, make enough money to pay for life, and to continue to have space for the new to manifest. it is always at moments like these, when i feel squeezed, that i wonder if there isn't a totally different way to handle everything.
i started remabulous when i was recently out of photography school and had left a job that completely compromised my health story. i thought that tailoring my psychology background to work with people on the challenges of a creative life would be a good financial support for my photography, which i didn't anticipate being a way of supporting myself. funny how now, remabulous takes up so much of my time that i am not making art. it may be time for me to begin taking my own advice.
it is at these points that i fantasize about living and working in a place like this:
i crave space and room to create regularly and every day. whether this be on photoshop, or making things on the sewing maching or knitting. i am a maker, according to the profiles of the magical carol lloyd. i love the world of the maker, the teacher, and the mystic. i have been all teacher lately, with little room for the others, and now i feel myself hitting that wall. i know that there is less to give clients if i am not feeding my own center of fuel. i shall have to improve. a trip to san francisco this thursday will be inspiration for movement in this direction. so my independence will be from the belief that remabulous has to be at a certain point financially and full to the brim with clients before i can add anything else. i know i have to add everything else in now, so that it can all fit together as everything grows.
thanks to amy nieto for sharing her magical studio picture on flickr above. it helps me to dream of what my space can be in january when i make the move to somewhere new...
Thinking about my Remabulous coach today. I just want to say how much your teacher has helped me recently. I have totally internalized your "what to do in the hard times" talk and feel like things are coming together. That and I'm allowing myself much more space. I think space and silence are the things we all need more of. Just want to give you a shout out! The teacher in you is totally honored by the student in me.
Posted by: ann | 07 July 2008 at 15:08
Thank you, Ann! I am honored by your student energy, too. I am so glad to hear that you are feeling more energized about taking steps forward even when things are a challenge. You are making such wonderful progress with your work. I am delighted to hear about all the new excitement with it- all of which is completely deserved. Yay for you!
Posted by: Caroline | 07 July 2008 at 16:04